You asked (offline) for pictures of my flat tire. I don’t know why you care, but ask, and ye shall receive:

The straw that broke this camel's back.

Don’t let the pretty colors distract you… it’s flat as flat can be. And can you see the cracked rim in the upper-left quadrant of the tire? Oy.

Today, my mission is to purchase a new tire, install said new tire, and maintain my sanity while doing so. Wish me luck.